I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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