Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
