Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize