We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
