Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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