it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize