ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
