to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
