god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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