Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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