I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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