i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
