I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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