i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
