you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
