I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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