took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
