My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize