I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
