I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
