you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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