I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
