how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
