I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
