I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize