oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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