When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
