Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
