Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
