I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
