Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
