i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
