I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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