my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
