Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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