why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
