My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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