so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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