they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
