I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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