One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
