i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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