she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
