batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
