okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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