omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
