all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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