Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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