The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
