why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
