His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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