Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
