Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
