got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
