you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
