Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
