dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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