I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize