I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
