Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
