I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
