After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
