member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
