last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
