I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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