theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
