Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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