just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
