We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
