I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
