I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
