I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am naked and annoyed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
