Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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