how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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