Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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