so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
