The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
